CM Punk and MJF Promo From AEW Dynamite Transcript

Hamish Woodward

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CM Punk and MJF cut one of the best promos in AEW history on the 2021 Thanksgiving episode of AEW Dynamite. A week after Punk interrupted MJF’s promo in the ring, the pair faced off on the microphone in one of the best “promo battles” ever seen in wrestling.

Here is the entire transcript from the MJF vs CM Punk promo from AEW Dynamite. If you use any quotes from this article, please give a H/T to Atletifo for the transcription.

CM Punk vs MJF Promo Transcription

MJF: Doesn’t feel so good getting interrupted, does it Punky Brewster? You know, quite frankly…

No, quite frankly, you really hurt my feelings last week. I extended out my hand like a gentleman, and you really hurt my feelings, man. I mean, it was almost as bad as the time you quit, took your ball and went home like a little…

You know what was great though? The pipe bomb. Everybody loves the pipe bomb, right, Chicago? Yeah, my god, so good, legendary. What you would call a great promo. And I think it’s fair to say, Punky, that the pipe bomb is your best moment. Except here’s the problem, bud. Every MJF moment is the best MJF moment because, unlike you, I’m not a one-trick pony.

And don’t get it twisted, I respect you, man. I respect everything you’ve done. Hell, I even respect the fact that you’re straight edge. Granted, never in my wildest dreams could I have possibly imagined a straight edge man could look so much like a meth addict…

And it must be extremely difficult to be straight edge considering if I had your face, I’d need to down eight shots of whiskey just to look myself in the mirror…

But you know what I can’t respect, CM? It’s how you’ve handled our little situation here, and you can pretend there isn’t one, but there is. There is. You know, you would do all your quaint little interviews, and they would ask you who are some opponents you would like to go up against, and you would name every single wrestler underneath the sun except for moi…

Now you can pretend it’s because you weren’t interested, but in reality, it’s because you didn’t want none. And who can blame you, Punky? I mean, your whole entire career on the stick, you’ve been a big fish, small pond, and standing across from me, you’re just a freaking minnow. You didn’t want to go toe-to-toe with me on the stick, Punk. Well, too bad, because I’m about to verbally finish you quicker than your UFC career…

I heard you the first time. So check your watch, Papa Pug, because if you decide to retort, it won’t say clobber in time. It’ll say out of time. You can drop cute little pipe bombs all you want because I’m MJF, and I drop nukes…

CM Punk: I’m so disappointed in you…

But let’s not start there. Let’s show our guest a little bit of Chicago hospitality. I want to thank you first and foremost for last week. You introduced yourself to me. That’s what a proper young man is supposed to do to their elders. And I had no idea your first name was Maxwell. This entire time, I thought MJF stood for “My Jealous Fan”…

See, I got the time, seems like it still kind of does, doesn’t it? If you’re so hung up on the fact that I never mentioned you anytime I did press, any time I ever did an interview, I never brought your name up. Well, that was by design. The last thing I wanted to do is feed your rotten little ego.

Look at me, Maxwell. I’m in your head. Probably has a lot to do with the fact that there’s a poster of me on your wall. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m disappointed.

Because I’ve always heard about the great MJF, and then last week, I did what nobody else in this industry, nobody else in AEW, has been able to do. I shut up the great MJF without saying a word.

And you had seven days. You had a whole week to think of good zingers, and you came out here with the lowest hanging fruit. He thinks he’s somebody. He thinks what he does is revolutionary to the wrestling business when in reality he’s just a less famous Miz.

MJF: Okay, settle down. Settle down. Settle down.

You know, Punky, that was really solid. I mean, really creative stuff. You know, it was almost what I wanted. Come to think of it, that phrase, “almost what I wanted,” kind of perfectly encapsulates your whole entire run here thus far, don’t you think? I suppose it’s true. Nostalgia.

Nostalgia is a drug that causes us to misconstrue our memories. And you, my friend, are no more than nostalgia.

And guess what? But you were right. I was a fan. I’m not ashamed to admit it. How couldn’t I have been? I mean, in this ring, on the microphone, nobody could touch you. You were the best. Or so I thought, Chicago, because ever since your almighty return, you’ve struggled to beat the easiest of competition, and you’ve struggled to say quite literally anything of intrigue.

Oh, my God, Punk, your breath smells like… It’s probably because you’ve been kissing so much ass recently. I mean, you have been robotically kissing ass all over the place. You know what? I’m going to do a little impression of you real quick. Chicago, do you mind if I give you a quick impression?

“It sure is great to be back here in [insert name of town]. I sure do love being a part of [insert name of company]. Gee whiz, I sure am looking forward to my match-up against [insert name of opponent].”

Robotic. Pucker up, Punk. You’ve gone soft, man. Your hair’s going gray, and based on your eyes, if anybody needs to go to sleep…

It’s you, bud. You know what, ladies and gentlemen? Something just hit me. This is no longer CM Punk. This is PG Punk. What happened to the guy I grew up on, man? What happened to the renegade, the ass-kicker, the outsider? Because you might as well be coming out here preaching hustle, loyalty, and respect.

Except here’s the problem, PG. I can see you. Hell, I can see through you, buddy. You claimed you’d only come back for the younger town, and yet you also claimed you’d only come back for a boatload of money. You claimed you couldn’t fix professional wrestling from your couch in Chicago, and yet you stayed put on that couch for seven long years. Excuse after excuse not to come back. Poor K-Punk, why? Is it because you were too busy making comic books nobody read and movies nobody saw?

Or is it because you were terrified? Scared you couldn’t hang anymore, maybe scared you never could hang in the first place.

And I have the microphone, Chicago. [Music] And I’m here to tell you, you should be scared, man. In the other company, these people looked at you like a cult hero because they felt you were held down. You should have been utilized and showcased as the number one guy. And now, yeah, great. And now here you are, you have all the opportunity to prove these people right. But can you? [Music] Do you people think CM Punk can do it? I’m glad they think that now, Punk. But are they gonna feel that way in a month, two months, a year? I don’t envy you, man, but I know you envy me. And I know why you don’t like me, PG Punk. I know why. It’s because I represent everything about this business that you hate. I’m every single thing you hate because I was born for this. Oh yeah, I’m a clean-cut professional. I’m every single wrestling analyst, promoter, and pundit’s wet dream, while you, on the other hand, were a scrawny, tatted-up misfit from the dumpiest part of the Midwest known as Chicago. You had to work your tail off to become the man you are today, and I commend you for that. But I know what keeps you up at night. I know what eats you up inside. It’s the fact that after all your hard work, all your blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifice you’ve given this sport, deep down, you know it. And these people know it. Your whole career, you’ve been nothing more than second best, whether it was the “You Can’t See Me” man or the King of Kings.

You were never quite up to snuff, were you? And I can assure you now that you’re standing in my ring, in my company, things will be no different, because you may claim to be the best in the world, but I’m better than you.

CM Punk: There’s some truth in what you just said, a little bit scared, coming back after seven years, a little bit. See, I’m not gonna lie, not even to you. I certainly never lie to these people. I didn’t know if these people would remember me. I didn’t know if these people would care. I didn’t know if I still had it, but trust me, I’m not scared any longer. Certainly not scared of you. Because the timing might not match up, but I was selling out Madison Square Garden when you were marking out for Rosie O’Donnell. And the last time on this show, you did a song and dance, you made the New York Times. Wow. [Applause]

You want to sing me a song right now, Maxwell? Don’t worry. You’re standing in the ring with a professional, and you’re going to make the New York Times again, but this time, it’s gonna be the obituaries. Because you have just enrolled yourself into a college your parents cannot afford. You talk too much. Yeah, just like me back in the day, except I always backed it up, and you can’t back up without your backup. FTR, Shawn Spears, Wardlow, that’s how you get things done around here.

I never mention you in interviews because I never had to. I looked at AEW and I said, “Wow, that’s the place I want to be. That’s the place I want to test myself.” And I went for the heart and soul of AEW, Darby Allin. And boy, that just chews you up, doesn’t it? And I beat Darby Allin, and I didn’t need a ring to do it.

You’re too busy talking about how you’re the most powerful of the four pillars. You don’t even realize you’ve been replaced by Britt Baker. And while you think you’ve made some excellent points, I think you talk too much, and we’ve wasted these people’s time.

They call Chicago the Second City, not because there’s a city that’s better than it, not because there’s this city that was first, and you want to call me number two. I’ll probably wear number two with a bullet because, just like Chicago, they call us the Second City because when it burned to the ground, we just built right back up on top of the smoldering embers.

And who’s the man around here? Who’s number one? Is it you? No, I don’t think so. The only way you’re going to be number one is if we all wait around long enough for Tony to have a daughter that you marry.

Last time we were here in Chicago, and hell yeah, I’m happy to be here. I gave everybody free ice cream bars. The only thing I can think that’s a better welcome back gift than that is punching you and your little needle dick right here, right now.

If you use any quotes from this article, please give a H/T to Atletifo for the transcription.

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